


Kiss Me

by romanticalgirl



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 8/22/02</p>
    </blockquote>





	Kiss Me

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 8/22/02

I could have kissed him back.

That's all I can think about lying here in bed. I mean, what would it have hurt? It's not like the rest of my life is going according to plan. Of course, that's a pretty crappy reason to have for kissing him. It's better that I didn't.

I should have kissed him back.

It felt good. His lips on mine, however briefly. They were warm and wet, just a little from where he'd licked them, obviously nervous. I pulled away in shock, not disgust. I mean, it wasn't disgusting. I wanted it to be disgusting.

It would be easier if it had been disgusting.

I mean, if he'd tried to force his tongue down my throat or something, I might feel differently, but it felt like it was just going to be a soft, tentative kiss. I never thought he'd be like that. I mean, he's got all this experience that none of the rest of us have, so I figured he'd "porno" out and try tasting my tonsils or something.

It felt good.

I keep wondering what it would feel like if it had gone on longer, if I'd let it. Would he have opened his mouth at some point? Tried to slide his tongue between my lips? Would he have pulled me closer? Framed my face in his hands, stepped closer and tilted his head more? Would I have parted my lips and invited him into my mouth, would it have been hot? Passionate?

I think he'd be passionate.

But it was so gentle and…frightened almost. As if he knew how I was going to react before I did. As if he knew it was completely stupid, but just couldn't help himself. As if he couldn't control the urge to kiss me.

I should have kissed him back.

He looked so sad when it was over. Like he'd expected and accepted it, but wanted a different outcome. I was tempted, no matter what I said. It wasn't just surprised. It was attracted. I was attracted. I looked when he stripped off his clothes, stood on tiptoe to peer over the edge of the truck, see the curve of his butt. As irritating as he is, I couldn't help but want to see.

When he came out wearing Bodie's too big clothes, I admit that I wondered what he'd look like out of them. And I jumped at the chance to go out with him. I know he thinks it was because of Dawson and the fact that he'd be there, but it wasn't. Not completely. Some of it was him.

We rode the Ferris wheel. And the Octopus. And other things that he forced me to go on in some effort to see if I'd vomit all over myself. That's what he said anyway, but it wasn't that. I knew it wasn't that because after each ride, he'd ask me how I was doing, joking with me, but I could see the concern in his eyes.

And he bought me cotton candy.

We had a good time and I never thought about Dawson. Even though we saw him, I didn't have any desire to hang out with him or do stuff with him. I was having fun with Pacey.

With Pacey.

We rode the carousel and he sat on the horse next to me, goofing around like he was racing the little five-year-old next to us. He said he was just flirting with the kid's mom, but I know the truth. I could see the light in his eyes as the kid started laughing.

"You're just a kid at heart," I told him.

"Nah." He slid off his horse and offered it gallantly to the kid's mom, walking over to me. We weren't supposed to move around, but he didn't care as he slid behind me onto my horse. "I'm just a kid. Period."

"I'm not talking IQ, Pacey."

He chuckled and I could feel it as he grabbed the metal bar just above my head. "You havin' fun, Potter?"

"I'm miserable, Pacey." I'd turned my head so he could see me smile. "I'm with you, aren't I?"

He'd laughed again, not saying another word until the music ended and the ride came to a stop. We'd hurried off, not wanting to get yelled at, and he'd taken my hand and pulled me back to the row of tents that formed the far end of the carnival. Fortune-tellers and freak shows.

He hadn't said anything as we walked along, neither of us commenting on the fact that my hand was still in his, maybe neither of us really noticing.

Except I noticed.

We saw Jen and Cliff and he steered us the other way, heading toward the food booths. I got my cotton candy - green for our snails - and he had a Coke and we kept walking. I think we walked forever. We even left the carnival, walking down to the water and sitting on the sand, passing the cotton candy and the Coke between us.

He wrapped a small segment around his fingers and held it in front of his mouth, licking it off them like a lollipop. "You about ready to head home, Potter?"

No. I'd wanted to say no. "Yeah."

We drove in silence, and I could feel him tensing up beside me. I hadn't known what was coming. I hadn't known he'd slide out of the car and walk me toward my door. Hadn't known he would kiss me.

And that I should have kissed him back.

***

I shouldn't have kissed her.

I mean, no matter what I was feeling at the time, I should have known enough to keep my wayward lips to myself. I mean, what was I thinking? She's very obviously head over heels in love with Dawson.

I shouldn't have kissed her.

I mean, permission or no, I know how Dawson feels about her, even if he's too stupid to realize it. And I know how she feels about him. But I thought for a second…after being together all day and all night, I just thought maybe she was feeling what I was feeling.

Maybe she wanted to kiss me back.

Her lips were so sweet for that brief second I had them. Parted slightly in surprise and so soft. They tasted like cotton candy, slightly grainy from the sugar and her breath was warm and inviting.

Until she pushed me away.

Her eyes were full of something confusing and I wanted to step back in, thinking she was protesting out of habit, not really meaning it. Her hazel eyes had invitation in them. Curiosity. And I wanted to get closer to her, tease my tongue over her lips until they parted on their own, until her tongue touched mine. I wanted to feel her hair fall like silk over my fingers. I wanted to touch her skin and see if it felt as soft as it looks all the time.

I shouldn't have kissed her.

I blame it on the carnival. After we finished talking to Dawson, I didn't give him another thought all night. I just enjoyed being with her. Teasing her about being afraid or about being sick until she got mad enough to go on all the rides with me. And having her body pressed against mine every time we whirled around another corner had nothing to do with it.

Well, almost nothing.

I was showing off on the carousel. Maybe flirting with that kid's mom just a little to see if she'd be jealous or make some catty remark about me and older women. Instead she just smiled at me, indulgently, laughing when the kid got so excited. And then, when I slid behind her onto her horse, even though they'd told us to stay in our seats, I thought I felt her tremble.

"You're too close."

"What's the matter, Potter? You're not gettin' all hot and bothered, are ya?" I moved back a little though and she shivered, releasing the pole that she held on to and rubbing her arms. "Cold?"

I could taste her shampoo in the air as I whispered in her ear. I didn't mean to whisper, it just came out that way. She shook her head, leaning back toward me. "Not so much, no."

I just nodded and couldn't seem to think of anything after that, except being alone with her. We hurried off because the carny was headed our direction and slipped out the back gate, headed for the tents that formed the carnival's perimeter. I took her hand in mine and headed for the fortune-teller, then changed my mind. Afraid of the future?

Afraid I'd find out I shouldn't kiss her?

We saw Lindley and Cliff and headed the opposite direction, not wanting to spoil the night. Then I bought her cotton candy. Her eyes lit up like a little kid's and she pulled this huge hunk off the top and stuffed it in her mouth, licking the leftovers off her fingers. I ordered a Coke, wanting something cold to keep between my legs.

After that we headed for the beach and sat there, sharing my drink and her cotton candy. I wound it around my fingers, watching her watch me do it. I wish I could have read her thoughts. Read her eyes.

"It's cold."

"Getting there." She reached over and grabbed the soda and took a sip as I finished the sticky mess on my fingers.

"Been a long day."

She nodded and leaned back on the sand, reaching out to take my hand again. "It's been a good day."

We drove back home in silence and I couldn't help wondering what I was supposed to do. What I wanted? What did she want? Was it wrong? Or right? Would she push me away? Or kiss me back? I should have known the answer.

And I shouldn't have kissed her.


End file.
